Lately I feel like I'm the only one left blogging in the world. My readers have long since abandoned ship and I am at the mast, alone, writing to no one, writing nothing of significance or beauty. But I can't seem to give it up. While everyone else is Facebooking and Twittering (Tweeting?), I continue to write here, swimming against the tide and wondering why I still do it. This blog will be 8 years old this year and the only regret I have in writing it is that a few years back I did a serious edit and deleted many of its entries. I shouldn't have done that. But it doesn't matter now, does it?
There remains in me a desire to write it all down...not for fame, not for fortune, not for anything other than documenting my own life, with all its wonder and torture, despite the fact that I am the only one reading it. And though the waves are as a tall as mountains sometimes, I write and write and write. I write more when the tide is so strong as to pull me under, because writing about it makes it all manageable.
I remain in an upright position these days. I push through the depression and I am fucking slaying the beast at every turn. And I am writing, as dry and empty as it may be, because I have to. I don't know why, and I've stopped questioning it, but I think if I didn't write, it would all be over for me...no matter who is or isn't reading. I will just keep typing out one word after another until I die.
I am a 28 year old lesbian with bipolar and I read you faithfully and consistantly learn from you and identify with your experiences! Thank you!!
Tracy,
I've been reading your blog for *years*. At least four, as far as I can recall... please don't feel like you're spouting words into a void. I can't tell you how many times you've calmed me with your insight, or that I've identified with your struggles for meaning and peace. Every time there a new entry, I'm thrilled to see that you're carrying on.
You're right though, in that you ought to keep writing, no matter who's reading, or not reading. Getting the words out clarifies the thoughts, and that's always a good thing.
I promise that you are not the only one reading what you have written. I check faithfully every day to see if you have posted an entry. Although I don't suffer from the same demons, I have my own set and I am amazed at how often your words resonate within me. Please keep writing....for you and for me.
Hello Tracy,
I read your blog at least once a week. I think you are in excellent writer and I appreciate your honesty in sharing your life with us. If you keep writing I will keep reading.
Well, Tracy! It looks like you have at least six readers. :) Count me among those who have read you for the entire eight years. (If not all eight, it's been almost that long.)
Still in the mix after all this time, Tracy. Not planning on leaving any time soon either.
Though I will agree with the "jumping ship" thought on other bloggers. Been a bit busy myself lately, but still plan on getting back at it. When time permits.
And your words may taste like ashes to you, but for us, they are like the Phoenix...glorious bird rising up from said ashes. Just keep writing.
http://www.crazytracy.com/mt/mt-tb.cgi/985
