Or rather, hard day's evening. I'm working my favorite shift now, 3-11pm. I love this shift and I can work it now that Spencer is older and doesn't need me so much in the evening. I'm only working part-time, so it's not so bad. Three 8's a week is pretty cool, but still, I feel the pressure. Everything is so hard, and I'm not so sure it's because I've been out of work for two years. I think this hospital just has some very difficult policies to follow. Admissions are hard. Passing meds is hard. Charting is hard. Everything is so damn hard. I have one more week of orientation and then I'll be on my own. I'm not sure I'll be ready. I do feel really pressured to prove my sanity, like if I can work this job, it proves I'm okay. I'm not so sure how right that is, though. I've known some pretty sick people working in the mental health field, doctors and nurses alike. God, it's too much to ponder right now.
Meanwhile, family life is good. Spencer is great and is getting ready to start beauty college. Something else about Spencer that I just have to mention is his new political awareness. He's not only opinionated about current issues, he's also articulate and educated enough to back up his stance. He's amazing. LTD is fucking awesome and the love of my life. She's been very supportive of my job even though she didn't want me going back to work. The pets, all good. Everything is good. Except the job...
And we'll see how that turns out. I have hope. I have my family. I have everything.
Hey! Thanks for the update! :) You're awesome, Tracy. You're kind and sensitive. You're a good person. They're lucky to have you.
Hard keeps you focused on the actual work you are doing. I have faith you can succeed at this Tracy. You will do wonderfully. I'm so glad that Spencer is doing well, and starting school soon. Does he blog or write? His perspective on life would be interesting. LTD *IS* an amazing woman, she has taken such good care of you - and you of her, I'm sure...I'm so glad you found each other! Write when you can, I'm here to read...
M~
I'm glad you're back at work.
I have had real prolems going to work everyday. When I get there the tears flow freely off and on all day long. The strong desire to stay home where I am in my own little safe world has been pulling at me for weeks now. The severe depression isn't helping much either.
I have missed more days the past 4 months than I had in 10 years I have been on my job. Not good.
Needless to say they can't seem to find the proper cocktail of meds to pull me out of the black hole I find myself in....again.
This gets so very old and discouraging to think I have years of living this way before me.
Goign back to work is hard I imagine. Actually I can't even begin to imagine doing what I used to do. I actually have nightmares about trying and failing. I admire you for even attempting it and I think you are probably a better nurse than you think.
http://www.crazytracy.com/mt/mt-tb.cgi/979
