Let's get one thing straight--I'm not. No wait, that's not the point of this post. The point of this entry is this: ECT saved my life. Period. Plain and simple. I can't say what it's done (or not done) for Furious Season, but it certainly has saved my ass. And it continues to do so. It saved it last year. It saved it the year before. Ernest Hemingway may have maintained that it killed his writing career, but what effectively did in his career was his chewing off the business end of a shot gun and blowing his fucking brains out. ECT failed him, yes. It failed him in not treating the debilitating depression he suffered. But it was probably the depression that killed his writing career. Who's to say? None of us. We are dangerously capricious by skipping by and pointing and singing-songing, "Look what happened to Ernest Hemingway!" when pointing out the dangers of ECT. Look what happened to Sylvia Plath. Look what happened to Virginia Woolfe. Plath had it done....and later gassed herself. Woolfe never had it and loaded her coat down with rocks, walked into a river and drowned herself.
I'm putting on major fucking airs by even mentioning myself in the same sentence with them, but I'll be damned if I'm going to give my life for my writing when ECT (if given correctly, and given enough), could save it. It is not your grandfather's ECT, people, that's fer damn sure. And I've seen it work miracles, both on myself, and on the scores of patients that have hobbled through the unit where I work(ed).
Yes, the helmet has been suspended for the moment. But it lingers there. And if Dr. K should suggest that we try it back on a few more times, I will do it, because I trust him. And I trust it. And I trust that my brain, alive and lubricated and firing on all cylinders, will afford me a much better life no matter what I have to do to keep it that way.
I will take sane any day, no matter how beautifully creative the writing can get when the madness takes it hold.
Bravo, mommy. You should not pay mind to those who wish to deter the mention of good that ECT has done. It's your business, and your business alone whether or not to carry on with ECT at anytime. I've seen how drastically it improves your state of being, and what strong words you write when you slip into mania. And though I know as well as anyone what it feels like for your art to thrive and effect people so heavily, I'd much rather see you in a healthy disposition...and not talking about going to work for Pepsi.
ECT scares the living crap out of me, but if it works for you, I can't argue with that. And I really do hope it helps.
It's weird; I don't think any one thing will help every person with this disease. It's such a complex illness, manifesting it in a unique way for each individual and nearly always a nightmare to treat. But if it gives you sanity - thank God or the universe or the good doctor!
Good luck.
Who's knockin' your ECT? Lemme at 'em! I have an uncle who might well have died were it not for ECT.
Tasha, your mom working for pepsi put pictures of Laverne & Shirley episodes in my head....EEEEeeeeew!
I'm with you. I'll take reality over creativity any day of the week. It might not be as much fun, but do not mess with my reality.
I may not agree or believe a lot of stuff, but I figure, if it works for you, then who am I to say otherwise. I think most of use are on your side Tracy.
Luck to you and your other.
ECT is scary to me...but then, so was the idea of having a hysterectomy at 32. The hysterectomy worked to cure or at least put my endometriosis in remission (6 years and counting). I say if it may help then it is worth trying...if it has been tried and DID help, then it's worth doing again. There are horror stories for every single medication and every single procedure out there. I can tell horror stories about taking aspirin...I almost died because I am allergic. Does that make aspirin bad? No, it does not. Some people have a terrible time with ECT...some people get better with it. Don't let the nay sayers get to you.
CT, I think your enemies are on your side. I don't see the dichotomy here, I lament ECT and I support your choice. You are the authority on your experience, I believe that is what you want to be recognized as. Doesn't everyone deserve that right, including Hemingway?
It's important, as you note, that the ECT that sent Plath and Hemingway for a loop, is not the same as the ECT which is practiced today. And everyone has the right to choose it or not choose it for themselves. The issue is whether or not it is forced. And in your case, it clearly was not.
as I said- I had ECT- If I am ever in that bad of shape again I will have it again. Its not something I like-actually I dread the thought of doing it again, but it helped me. Its helping you. So screw what anyone else thinks. Until they live in your head they cant possibly comprehend.
http://www.crazytracy.com/mt/mt-tb.cgi/849
